My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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