it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
