Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
