we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
