I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
