I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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