i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
