There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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