i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My life is pants optional.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
