3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
