The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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