I heard we made out
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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