its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
