I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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