We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
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I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
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For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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