i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize