Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
