Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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