He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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