Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
