OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
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im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
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When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
And then he peed in my hair
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