i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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