hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
