dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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