last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
