Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
