new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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