Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
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I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
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New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Couch. On fire.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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