Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Two words: nipple clamps
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