Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
there is glitter all over my balls
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