I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
