if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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