I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
