You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
