Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
