Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
