She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
