at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
