he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Randomize
