So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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