awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
