Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
