Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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