I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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