I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize