DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
