So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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