i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
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If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
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You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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