I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
