God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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