yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
