Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
