just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
