i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
