i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
