OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
