I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
