When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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