Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize