oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
