but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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