Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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