Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
