census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize