we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
