how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
