ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I need to sanitize my soul.
Two words: blizzard sex
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
